100: Dedication

Today is the last day of 2020, my final deadline to complete this project. 

And here we are, at post 100. 

I'm a little in a daze. 

Most of all, I am flooded with a quiet shock of gratitude. When I began this project, I had no idea if I would be allowed to complete it. After all, the Bhagavad-gita is not an ordinary book. 

This book cannot be read or understood by the insincere. I was scared that I was on of those "insincere"s. I was nervous that my conviction and purpose would dry up and sizzle away in the heat of doubt or disinterest or boredom or confusion. 

Somehow, though, here we are. 

I thought I would conclude this project by starting at the beginning - Prabhupad's beginning. I wanted to return to the very first words he writes for his Bhagavad-gita translation and commentary, which are his dedication. He writes:

To

SRILA BALADEVA VIDYABHUSANA

who presented so nicely

the Govinda-bhasya commentary

on

Vedanta philosophy

Okay, wait a second here. Who is Baladeva Vidyabhusana? What is the Govinda-bhasya commentary?? What is Vedanta philosophy????? 

Hello, Google, my old friend. Let's see. 

I just looked up Baladeva Vidyabhusana and my heart is deeply moved. I knew very little of who this person was, and now my heart is opening with deep wonder. (To read more: https://gaudiyahistory.iskcondesiretree.com/srila-baladeva-vidyabhushana-2/)

According to Gaudiya History on Iskcon Desire Tree, Baladeva Vidyabhusana was originally born to a family of farmers, but he quickly ascended to become a prominent scholar. His powerful mood of scholarship, humility, and devotion is a wondrous story indeed. 

What's amazing is that Srila Prabhupad dedicates his commentary on the Bhagavad-gita with a deep bow of deference to another Vaishnava scholar. Prabhupad's Gita has been translated into over 75 languages worldwide, has sold millions of copies, and has transformed hundreds of thousands, if not millions of lives. In the dedication, though, Prabhupad is simply folding his hands to another Vaishnava who has inspired him and guided him in his service. 

In this mood, I would like to dedicate this project to my husband, Ghanashyam das. He is a Vaishnava scholar in the truest sense - humble, knowledgeable, and he imbibes a mood of such love and devotion. Whenever I have had a question, no matter how obscure, my husband would have a response. He has read pretty much every post I have published on this blog, which is saying something, because very few have even read much from this project! Not only has he read these posts, he discusses them with me, and expresses deep appreciation for my writings and creative expressions. 

His encouragement to continue, and to finish when I had said I would finish (today!), has kept me going even when I felt I could not finish.

I am blessed to be married to such a beautiful example of a Vaishnava scholar, a kind and humble gentleman who is loyal to the teachings of Srila Prabhupad and respectful of all spiritual traditions, and a devotee who lives the teachings of the Gita in the truest sense.   

96: Reflections on Austerity

 Creative Expression: Sharing realizations spontaneously 

Bhagavad-gita, Chapter 16, Texts 1-3

Full text here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/16/1-3/

94: The Yoga Ladder

 CHAPTER 12, TEXTS 8-12

TEXT 8:

 

Just fix your mind upon Me, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and engage all your intelligence in Me. Thus you will live in Me always, without a doubt.

TEXT 9:

 

My dear Arjuna, O winner of wealth, if you cannot fix your mind upon Me without deviation, then follow the regulative principles of bhakti-yoga. In this way develop a desire to attain Me.

TEXT 10:

 

If you cannot practice the regulations of bhakti-yoga, then just try to work for Me, because by working for Me you will come to the perfect stage.

TEXT 11:

 

If, however, you are unable to work in this consciousness of Me, then try to act giving up all results of your work and try to be self-situated.

TEXT 12:

 

If you cannot take to this practice, then engage yourself in the cultivation of knowledge. Better than knowledge, however, is meditation, and better than meditation is renunciation of the fruits of action, for by such renunciation one can attain peace of mind.

77: Description, Not Condemnation

CHAPTER 18, TEXT 28: The worker who is always engaged in work against the injunctions of the scripture, who is materialistic, obstinate, cheating and expert in insulting others, and who is lazy, always morose and procrastinating is said to be a worker in the mode of ignorance.

There is something very, very fascinating about how Krishna phrases His words in this verse. Well, not only this verse but any verse that describes types of people within the modes of natures. 

He does not instruct.  

He does not condemn.

He simply describes. 

Sure, the words "obstinate" and "lazy" sound judgmental, but Krishna is not judgmental or petty in that way. He is objectively describing the mental habits and behavior of a worker who is cocooned within the mode of ignorance. 

To be honest? I find myself being described here. But I don't feel condemned by God. In fact, I feel understood. 

I feel understood for my habits of working in a lazy and morose way and constantly procrastinating. Prabhupad writes, "[Workers in the mode of ignorance] procrastinate; anything which can be done in an hour they drag on for years." I had to laugh at this statement, because I find such truth here. I can pull up a list in my mind of projects or "to-do"s that could be completed literally within an hour, but they go on uncompleted, year after year. 

When I read this verse of the Gita I feel as though I am looking into the mirror. I see more clearly that, ah yes, I am often a worker in the mode of ignorance. 

So I'll start there, by simply saying that I resonate with this verse, and I do not feel condemned, but understood. 

Consequently, and naturally, I feel this lacking within my heart, this sense that I want to not be in the mode of ignorance. I want to be described in a different way. I do. 

My next point now has to deal with the world that I observe around me, especially on social media. 

1) I've begun to notice how there seems to be a confusion about what should be done and what should not be done. Recently I've seen some women share about the deep pain and challenge of motherhood. And while I understand that that's a reality, still... it's a stage of life. Billions of women have endured motherhood for millennia, how come suddenly motherhood is so shocking? Granted, I am not a mother, and I sound like I am condemning women for complaining about the challenge. Still, this verse from the Gita mentions that one who is "always morose" implies someone who is working with a kind of dread, frustration, and resisting the reality of one's duty day after day. While moroseness and the pain and challenge of motherhood is natural, to hang out in that space for a prolonged period of time seems to be resisting one's duty and to be working in the mode of ignorance. 

2) I am seeing a lack of gentility in communication, and a prevalence of cutting insults towards others. I see name-calling, such as "racist", "neo-Nazi", "Karen", "white supremacist", "Uncle Tom", "baby-killers", "snowflake", "wimp" and more. Name-calling is a kind of laziness, labeling others in a way that demeans and disrespects without much consideration. Prabhupad writes that "Such workers are not very gentle, and generally they are always cunning and expert in insulting others." In fact, this brashness and cutting personality is even glorified in modern media. Youtube videos of personalities who condemn and name-call others are wildly popular. The problem with this new kind of gossip and name-calling is that it's out of touch with humanity. If we were all to relate with each other personally, one-on-one, this kind of painful communication would hurt and maim others in a deep way.

3) I am also seeing a kind of obstinate way of dealing with authority, a kind of obnoxious "push back" against being told what to do, especially according to any kind of scriptural injunction (which this verse of the Gita mentions). Authority is rejected and generally seen as an oppressive force that should be questioned at all times. At no point should authority be accepted and respected in any kind of deep way. This obstinate nature and refusal to accept authority is a trademark of workers in the mode of ignorance. 

This post started out by saying that Krishna does not condemn workers in the mode of ignorance. Sure, His language is strong, but he is simply describing the truth of workers in this mode, just as he describes workers in the modes of passion and goodness. Krishna does not even instruct us to work in the mode of goodness. 

He leaves it up to us. 

We read how these workers are described. We look in the mirror and nod when we resonate. 

And we make our own choice: what kind of worker do I want to be? 

Okay, okay, show me the description of the worker in the mode of goodness. Let's do this. Because... that's how I want to be described. I want to look in the mirror and see that person. 

So here it is: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/18/26/

***

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/18/28/

76: Bodily Discomfort

CHAPTER 18, TEXT 8: Anyone who gives up prescribed duties as troublesome or out of fear of bodily discomfort is said to have renounced in the mode of passion. Such action never leads to the elevation of renunciation.

Waking up early in the morning - before the sun rises - to engage in spiritual habits like mantra meditation and devotional singing is considered a foundation for building a strong spiritual practice and consequently a strong spiritual life. 

Let's be honest: waking up early can make for a lot of "bodily discomfort." 

That moment when the alarm rights at 5am? Man. I used to wake up at 5am for years when I taught in New York City, and I kind of got used to it... but not really. Most mornings coming to consciousness was like rising out of molasses, and climbing out of a warm bed into a cold room was as good as scaling Mount Rainier. 

Despite the bodily discomfort, did I do my duty? Yes sir. I woke up. I did mantra meditation. I took a shower and got ready for work and left the apartment often before the sun had even risen. 

But now that I am taking time off from work, right now the prospect of rising early is as palatable and practical as scaling Mount Rainier... in my pajamas. 

That said, Krishna emphasizes in this verse that prescribed duties should not be given up. Prabhupad expands on this point by saying that, "If by ... rising early in the morning one can advance his transcendental Kṛṣṇa consciousness, one should not desist out of fear or because such activities are considered troublesome. Such renunciation is in the mode of passion." Right now I could probably say that I have renounced the activity of rising early in the morning in order to advance my Krsna consciousness. Without work to speed me on, I find no need to swim through molasses and climb a mountain just to do mantra meditation that I end up falling asleep trying to do. That said, renouncing this activity out of bodily discomfort is in the mode of passion, and Prabhupad says that, "The result of passionate work is always miserable." 

I can feel that. I can feel that waking up later, at around 7:30am, is a kind of meek and mundane way to trod through life. Even miserable.  

Forcing myself to follow my prescribed duties or what I know I "should" do has just lead me down a lot of Heartbreak Highways and Dutiful Dead-ends. I am striving to be more compassionate with myself, but it's hard.

I know the highest standard. This verse and Prabhupad say it all quite clearly.  

I'm just not there.

For now. 

And that's all I can do right now. No forcing, just accepting. 

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/18/8/

72: Spiritual Athlete

CHAPTER 17, TEXT 10: Food prepared more than three hours before being eaten, food that is tasteless, decomposed and putrid, and food consisting of remnants and untouchable things is dear to those in the mode of darkness.

Okay, hold up. 

Waaaaait a second. 

So here we have a 5,000 year old scripture, an epic conversation between God and His warrior friend Arjuna and they're standing between armies of oceanic proportions. Krishna has described the nature of the soul, death, and has even revealed his terrifying universal form of creation and all-devouring time. Yes, yes, this all seems fitting to be featured in an ancient religious scripture. 

And now Krishna is talking about... old food? 

Yes. 

"Food that is prepared more than three hours before being eaten" is in the mode of darkness and should not be eaten - this information is so crucial that Krishna is sharing this knowledge with Arjuna on that battlefield, the poised armies facing each other like scorpions, the fate of the world at stake. 

The Bhagavad-Gita translates as "The Song of God" - this means that the verses that describe Krishna's universal form and verses that talk about old food are just as crucial for God realization as any other verse in this epic. So what is going on here? 

The Gita is a manual for living a fulfilled, purposeful life of fearlessness, joy, and love. Krishna is not  suggesting that Arjuna just be a nice, pious person who goes to church on Sunday, or to ruminate about lofty theological ideas in university classrooms. Krishna declares to his friend that he should, "in all circumstances, be a yogī" (6.46). Being a yogi is about living and breathing self-realization. 

A yogi is a spiritual athlete.

Professional athletes have a coach, a diet, a regimen, a lifestyle, a way of thinking about goals. Tom Brady, a professional football player widely considered to be the Greatest Of All Time (GOAT), trains hard and is careful about what he eats even when it's not football season. And even though he's the GOAT, he still has a coach, he still takes directions, he still practices and practices. 

This is the Gita - an invigorating training regimen to bring us in alignment with our soul and love of God. 

Who's our coach? Krishna - God Himself. And when God says, hey, old food is in the mode of darkness and should not be eaten, well, maybe we should listen. And follow. 

But here's the deal - this advice is tough. After all, what about frozen food and frozen meals? Or leftovers from Thanksgiving? Or just leftovers from lunch? What about all those dishes they have at restaurants and fast food chains that have obviously been prepared days, maybe even weeks beforehand? 

This is where the Gita shows up in our lives, where we make a choice. Do we take the advice of the coach? Do we follow, and do we trust the process? 

This particular verse, Text 10, is surrounded by other verses that talk about lifestyle choices in the various modes of material nature. So Krishna does describe food that one should eat, food in the mode of goodness that elevates our consciousness. Prabhupad elaborates, "The purpose of food is to increase the duration of life, purify the mind and aid bodily strength. This is its only purpose." These words seem very much to come from a coach who is identifying the benefits of a particular training regimen - longer life, purified mind, bodily strength. Those goals are there to assist in self-realization. And to achieve those goals, one must eat food in the mode of goodness, not mode of darkness (ignorance). 

Prabhupad emphasizes here "This is [food's] only purpose" which I find a bit hard to swallow, pardon the pun. After all, food can be delicious! Sometimes I feel the only purpose of food to taste and experience textures, flavors, and temperatures in my mouth. I'm certainly not thinking about a longer life or purified mind. Food's purpose in those moments seem to be about enjoying. 

There is a crucial distinction here, though. Enjoying food is not the purpose of food - it's a side effect. One can enjoy food no matter what mode of nature - in fact, Krishna even says  in this verse that old, putrid, and untouchable food (or meat) is "dear" to those in the mode of darkness. Just because it's dear to them does not make it right or recommended. 

So Krishna - our coach - gives us the information and lets us choose. 

These simple - but hard - choices determines the course of our entire spiritual life. 

That's why Krishna is talking about old food on the midst of a battlefield, poised between armies. Becoming the GOAT is about the big things - understanding the soul and death and time - and it's also about little things - so you gonna eat Thanksgiving leftovers or what? 

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/17/10/

66: Reality Always Wins

CHAPTER 15, TEXT 5: Those who are free from false prestige, illusion and false association, who understand the eternal, who are done with material lust, who are freed from the dualities of happiness and distress, and who, unbewildered, know how to surrender unto the Supreme Person attain to that eternal kingdom.

Scientists are the usual go-to people to find out the data, the facts, the reality of this world. Scientists break down the functions of the body, calculate the patterns of weather, and discover new ways to combine elements. They rely on cold hard facts to conduct experiments, and they use the scientific method to ensure that their process is legitimate. 

Scientists are who we, as a human society, rely upon to make sense of the world. 

So much of the Gita, though, emphasizes that human society cannot distinguish reality from illusion. This verse of the Gita uses the words "false", "illusion", and "being free" and "unbewildered" multiple times. Material scientists are minimized as a source for understanding reality; if we want to understand reality, we must approach a spiritual teacher, we must approach scripture to understand what is false and how to be free. 

A basic principle of reality that human beings cannot seem to grasp is that we will all die. All of us. Every single one of us. Believing that we shall live forever, we build a life thinking it will last forever and thus feel a sense of pride in self, family, and country. Prabhupad writes, "Pride is due to illusion, for although one comes here, stays for a brief time and then goes away, he has the foolish notion that he is the lord of the world." The phrase here "lord of the world" is significant - even men and women who are leaders of great countries or have vast amounts of wealth will die one day and be forgotten in the sands of time. What to speak of all of us non-royal, non-wealthy, non-talented little people down here - you know, 99.999% of the world. We will all just vanish into thin air when death claims us. BUT STILL - even us little people believe we are lords of the world. 

Even us. 

This is illusion. 

But because we believe we're lords of the world, "[T]hus [we] makes all things complicated, and [we are] always in trouble. The whole world moves under this impression." For example, modern human society invents complicated machines to speed up the process of doing laundry, cooking, and transportation. But then we create so many other problems, namely air pollution, landfills, and waterway contamination. In this way we're always in trouble - one material solution creates a hundred problems. 

Ultimately, "People are considering the land, this earth, to belong to human society, and they have divided the land under the false impression that they are the proprietors. One has to get out of this false notion that human society is the proprietor of this world." Prabhupad says the word "false" twice here - false means that the understanding is incorrect and not based on reality. In this world we operate under this principle, that human society is the pinnacle of existence, and that we own all the land and animals and plants on the planet. But how is that? How do humans have the absolute say? Prabhupad asserts that we must "get out" of this false notion. We are not the proprietors of anyone. 

Prabhupad writes that "One has to cultivate knowledge of what is actually his own and what is actually not his own." So then what IS our own? Do I even own anything? Honestly, after reading this verse and purport, I'm not even sure. Is it possible for a spirit soul to own anything? Well, I guess I own my choices. That's the only reality I can be sure of. 

"When one has an understanding of things as they are, he becomes free from all dual conceptions such as happiness and distress, pleasure and pain." The goal of scientists is to solve the world's problems, to increase happiness and decrease distress, to increase pleasure and decrease pain. But the goal of the transcendentalist is to rise above these dualities, understanding that they will ebb and flow like the tide for eternity. This is reality. 

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/15/5/

63: Divine Fire

CHAPTER 14, TEXT 12: O chief of the Bhāratas, when there is an increase in the mode of passion the symptoms of great attachment, fruitive activity, intense endeavor, and uncontrollable desire and hankering develop.

In the three modes of material nature that Krishna is describing in this 14th chapter, the primary mode that I identify with is the mode of passion. 

Krishna describes in the seventh verse, "The mode of passion is born of unlimited desires and longings." 

Yesss. 

Unlimited desires.

Like a fire. The fire is blazing and hot and demands fuel. I feel the burn and so with great effort and sacrifice I find the fuel to place into the fire - but the fire only increases. The fire burns brighter and hotter, demanding even more fuel than before. 

This is my life. 

My desires are unlimited. From clothing to contact lenses. From shoes to dining chairs to trips to India. To earrings to pairs of glasses to a Mercedes-Benz SUV to analmondmilkmaker to a gymmembership

toawafflemakertorunningshoestomoreearrings

on and on and on and on and on

and on. 

Not only do I yearn for tangible things, I yearn for intangible things, like a good job, good friends, recognition, degrees and accolades, invitations, and more. Prabhupad writes, "One in the mode of passion is never satisfied with the position he has already acquired; he hankers to increase his position." Always more. A fire doesn't burn peacefully at one steady level. The fire is consuming the fuel, and if the fire is not fed more, the flames begin to die out. 

For some reason, I am deathly afraid of those flames going out - it's almost as if I let those flames go out, my very life would go out. I would have no spice to life, no reason to live. So my desires burn in my heart, and I feed them; I am always hankering to increase my position and my things and my importance. 

Why? Why do I burn with so many desires?

Well, to enjoy. I want to enjoy my senses, both subtle and gross. For my gross senses I want to taste good food and drink, I want to see beautiful things and cool movies, I want to relax in a comfortable chair. For the subtle ways to enjoy, I want the prestige of having beautiful things and others admiring what  I own, I want the honor of having a prestigious job and being seen as accomplished and powerful. For the person in the mode of passion (like me), "he develops a great hankering for sense gratification. There is no end to sense gratification."

No. End. As Krishna says in this verse, "uncontrollable desires" develop in the mode of passion. 

I'd like to say that I'm on a spiritual path and want to learn how to love and clean my heart and all that. 

At the same time, the fact of the matter is that if you really pulled back the cover of my heart and peeked inside, that is what you would see: a blazing fire of desires consuming my mind at all times. 

Right now, I do not have any easy solution to these all-consuming desires, so simple trick to reduce the fire. The only way is to stop feeding them, and the prospect of not feeding them seems almost impossible right now. As I mentioned, feeding desires substitutes for a sense of purpose - it's easier to shop and acquire things than to live a purposeful life of navigating tricky relationships. To be honest, I choose shopping over calling a friend or spiritual activities. 

So yeah, I don't have a solution. 

But as I write this, some small voice is reminding me: there is a spiritual greed. 

That greed is called laulyam. 

You don't have to extinguish the fire of desire in your heart.

Just start feeding your fire some spiritual goals, some uplifting desires. 

Being consumed with greed to know and love Krishna, or krishna laulyam, is a divine fire, a fire that I actually want to burn in my heart. 

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/14/12/

47: Gold Medal of Morality

CHAPTER 10, TEXT 38: Among all means of suppressing lawlessness I am punishment, and of those who seek victory I am morality. Of secret things I am silence, and of the wise I am the wisdom. 

When an elite athlete competes in the Olympics, a gold medal is burning within his or her heart. The athlete desires to vault that podium and be decorated by the presiding judge. This is the ultimate sign of victory for the whole world to see and remember forever in history. 

I mean, besides a war general, this is what I envision to be the pinnacle of someone seeking victory. 

In these verses in Chapter 10, Krishna is describing ways that He can be recognized in this material world. In this verse 38, I am intrigued by this declaration: "Of those who seek victory I am morality." 

Morality? 

What does morality have to do with a gold medal? The war that is won? The trophy? The Award - Oscar, Pulitzer, Emmy, Newbery, etc. etc.? 

What does morality have to do with victory? 

Srila Prabhupad writes, "Among those who are trying to be victorious in some field of activity, the most victorious element is morality." So whether someone is trying to be victorious in swimming (Michael Phelps), battles (Napoleon), or the Oscars (Katharine Hepburn), Prabhupad is emphasizing that morality is the most important element to all of these victories.

I'm still somewhat confounded here. 

When all else fails, look up the definition. 

So the definition of morality is, according to Cambridge Dictionary, "a set of personal or social standards for good or bad behavior and character."

I must say, this definition does not resonate for me. In fact, I challenge this definition as being superficial. Cambridge is saying that standards for morality are derived only from personal standards or social standards. Inherent rightness or goodness is not a factor, which means that morality is relative. 

When all else fails, look up another definition. 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, morality is "principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior." This definition resonates much more deeply, because morality is now a matter of principle that helps us to distinguish between different kinds of behavior. Making these distinctions and choosing the right and the good decision is at the heart of moral behavior. 

Making the right and the good decision is hard. Living a virtuous, moral life is really, really hard. 

I have not been victorious at much in my life - I'm certainly no Napoleon or Oscar winner. But I do know what it feels like to make a right and good moral decision after a long battle of discernment. Sure, no one even really knows that I came out victorious, but for me? Making the right decision is worth ten gold medals.

That victory is Krishna Himself. 

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/10/38/

42: Looking for Love

CHAPTER 9, VERSE 18: I am the goal, the sustainer, the master, the witness, the abode, the refuge and the most dear friend. I am the creation and the annihilation, the basis of everything, the resting place and the eternal seed.

In the holy land of Vrindavan, India, this is written on a wall: 

Every living being is looking for Krishna's love. 

Below those words, more words have been wiped away by time, but I can just make out

But they  ......................  it.

Hm. 

Although there is no scriptural reference for this phrase on the wall, this verse from the Gita (9.18) and Prabhupad's expansion on the verse seems to align with the original artist's intent. Prabhupad writes, "Gati means the destination where we want to go. But the ultimate goal is Kṛṣṇa, although people do not know it." Indeed, the goal of what we are are looking for is Krishna and Krishna's love. And although we cannot read so clearly the words beneath, we can fill in those words from Prabhupad's purport:

Every living being is looking for Krishna's love. 

But they do not know it.  

Indeed, we look everywhere for love. Not just any love, true love. We want beauty and connection and trust and honesty. We want love to be pure and filled with joy. Most of all, we want love to last forever. 

That love cannot be found anywhere in this world. As mentioned in this verse, Krishna is nidhanam, the supreme resting place. We can only rest our hearts and our souls within Krishna's love. 

But we do not know it. 

We search everywhere. We try so many relationships, from pet dogs and cats to friends to parents to lovers and children and more. And even the most beautiful, most wonderful, seemingly pure love we encounter in this world, we all know that one day it will end with death. 

That love is not eternal. 

In fact, the more healthy and beautiful the love in this world, the more we will experience our hearts get ripped out of our chests in separation when death does inevitably come. 

You see, I love my husband very much. Sometimes tears come to my eyes when I realize that our love and our relationship will end one day. That day may be tomorrow because of some grisly accident, or that day may be decades from now when we are withered and gray. One of us will die first - it's inevitable. And then we will both die. Where will our love be then? 

I don't know. 

All I know is that I don't want our love to end. 

So even in this connection, I am looking for Krishna's love. I am looking for a love without end. A love where I can rest my heart. Forever.  

Full purport: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/9/18/