CHAPTER 14, TEXT 12: O chief of the Bhāratas, when there is an increase in the mode of passion the symptoms of great attachment, fruitive activity, intense endeavor, and uncontrollable desire and hankering develop.
In the three modes of material nature that Krishna is describing in this 14th chapter, the primary mode that I identify with is the mode of passion.
Krishna describes in the seventh verse, "The mode of passion is born of unlimited desires and longings."
Yesss.
Unlimited desires.
Like a fire. The fire is blazing and hot and demands fuel. I feel the burn and so with great effort and sacrifice I find the fuel to place into the fire - but the fire only increases. The fire burns brighter and hotter, demanding even more fuel than before.
This is my life.
My desires are unlimited. From clothing to contact lenses. From shoes to dining chairs to trips to India. To earrings to pairs of glasses to a Mercedes-Benz SUV to analmondmilkmaker to a gymmembership
toawafflemakertorunningshoestomoreearrings
on and on and on and on and on
and on.
Not only do I yearn for tangible things, I yearn for intangible things, like a good job, good friends, recognition, degrees and accolades, invitations, and more. Prabhupad writes, "One in the mode of passion is never satisfied with the position he has already acquired; he hankers to increase his position." Always more. A fire doesn't burn peacefully at one steady level. The fire is consuming the fuel, and if the fire is not fed more, the flames begin to die out.
For some reason, I am deathly afraid of those flames going out - it's almost as if I let those flames go out, my very life would go out. I would have no spice to life, no reason to live. So my desires burn in my heart, and I feed them; I am always hankering to increase my position and my things and my importance.
Why? Why do I burn with so many desires?
Well, to enjoy. I want to enjoy my senses, both subtle and gross. For my gross senses I want to taste good food and drink, I want to see beautiful things and cool movies, I want to relax in a comfortable chair. For the subtle ways to enjoy, I want the prestige of having beautiful things and others admiring what I own, I want the honor of having a prestigious job and being seen as accomplished and powerful. For the person in the mode of passion (like me), "he develops a great hankering for sense gratification. There is no end to sense gratification."
No. End. As Krishna says in this verse, "uncontrollable desires" develop in the mode of passion.
I'd like to say that I'm on a spiritual path and want to learn how to love and clean my heart and all that.
At the same time, the fact of the matter is that if you really pulled back the cover of my heart and peeked inside, that is what you would see: a blazing fire of desires consuming my mind at all times.
Right now, I do not have any easy solution to these all-consuming desires, so simple trick to reduce the fire. The only way is to stop feeding them, and the prospect of not feeding them seems almost impossible right now. As I mentioned, feeding desires substitutes for a sense of purpose - it's easier to shop and acquire things than to live a purposeful life of navigating tricky relationships. To be honest, I choose shopping over calling a friend or spiritual activities.
So yeah, I don't have a solution.
But as I write this, some small voice is reminding me: there is a spiritual greed.
That greed is called laulyam.
You don't have to extinguish the fire of desire in your heart.
Just start feeding your fire some spiritual goals, some uplifting desires.
Being consumed with greed to know and love Krishna, or krishna laulyam, is a divine fire, a fire that I actually want to burn in my heart.
Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/14/12/
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