55: Just Be Kind

CHAPTER 12, TEXT 15: He by whom no one is put into difficulty and who is not disturbed by anyone, who is equipoised in happiness and distress, fear and anxiety, is very dear to Me.

Brutal honesty is overrated. 

I used to think that if I was in a close relationship with someone, that was a blank check to be "brutally honest" because, hey, honesty is the foundation for true friendship and love. I allowed others to be honest with me to the point of pain because I thought that that was healthy. 

And to a certain degree, it can be. 

The problem with brutal honesty is that without the skills or a deep enough relationship, it just often ends up being brutal. All that truth hurts and drives splinters and knives into a relationship. I speak from experience when I say that the relationship does not recover. 

This "brutal honesty" towards our loved ones is one way that we can put others into difficulty and disturb their hearts and minds. Personally, I have rarely ever felt moved to deeper understanding and personal growth from someone being brutally honest with me, even if that person was a very intimate friend or family member.

I just feel hurt. 

I am most moved when someone is kind to me.

In this verse of the Gita, Krishna emphasizes a kind of deep equanimity and peacefulness that should permeate our lives. The first phrase, "He by whom no one is put into difficulty," is poignant for this post. Not putting others into difficulty often boils down to a simple quality to exemplify at all times to all people: kindness. 

So much is included in the quality of kindness: respect, care, attention, empathy, gentleness, and even love. Prabhupad writes, "Since a devotee is kind to everyone, he does not act in such a way as to put others into anxiety." This means that the default should be kindness - respect, care, and empathy - for everyone at all times. 

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu emphasizes in the Siksastakam Prayers, Verse 3 "amanina manadena" - one should offer all respect unto others and expect none in return. Kindness and respect is not superficial, a  mask to put on to people-please. In fact, to offer respect and kindness towards others at all times requires a deep expression of the soul, and this sincere striving to cultivate one's highest qualities is very pleasing to Krishna - He states in this verse that such a person is "very dear to Me." 

I think of my husband in this regard. He is kind and respectful to everyone at all times, including me, and we have been in a relationship for seven years. Even though we are close, he never takes advantage of this closeness to be "brutally honest." 

He is honest AND kind - he does not put me into difficulty. By his unconditional kindness he moves me to be the best person I can be every day. Surely he is dear to Krishna. 

He inspires me to be dear to Krishna, too. That starts with being kind to all. 

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/12/15/