CHAPTER 15, TEXT 20: This is the most confidential part of the Vedic scriptures, O sinless one, and it is disclosed now by Me. Whoever understands this will become wise, and his endeavors will know perfection.
For about three years of my life, my suitcase was partially or fully (very fully) packed. For three years, I lived in almost a dozen different rooms, apartments, and houses in all parts of the world.
When I began to settle down and at last moved in with my husband after we got married, I became obsessed with staying in one place. I abhorred even the idea of getting on a plane. I gave my suitcases to Goodwill with a "good riddance!"
I then became obsessed with setting up our home. I would sometimes cackle to myself, "This is my kitchen, my bedroom, my apartment, my clothes, it's mine, all mine!" Over the past five years I have spent thousands of dollars on buying furniture, decor, plants, clothing, shoes, kitchen tools, and more plants. I must confess, I'm still consumed, because we have moved once again and are setting up our home again.
I have become aware of a needle that jabs at my heart the more I feed this desire to buy and buy and buy. That jabbing weakens me. Over the years I have felt the sting and the resulting weakness build.
How come this shopaholicism relates at all to this verse of the Gita where Krishna is describing a wise man who will know perfection?
Prabhupad writes how the word "anagha" is significant in this verse because it means that Krishna is addressing Arjuna as "O sinless one." This means that to know Krishna we must be free of all material contamination and bad karma. The loophole, though, is that "devotional service is so pure and potent that once one is engaged in devotional service he automatically comes to the stage of sinlessness." This is good news for all of us, because Krishna has described devotional service as so easy that one can simply offer a leaf, flower, fruit or water with love and Krishna will accept (9.26). By such a simple, painless process, we can all become sinless.
So if devotional service is that easy, how come we're not all doing it? How come we're not all wise and how come we're all so very far away from perfection?
Weakness of heart, Prabhupad says.
He writes, "The most important thing one has to surmount is weakness of the heart."
This weakness of heart determines more of our destiny than any bad karma. After all, bad karma can be lessened or even erased by devotional service. But when our very character is weak, then this is the greatest, most important thing to overcome. After all, all bad karma stems from a weakness of heart - that is what created all the negative reactions in the first place.
So what is weakness of heart?
"The first falldown is caused by the desire to lord it over material nature."
This is where we come back to my obsession with things. I had been so detached from my belongings and home and clothes for so long that I swung in the other direction and became obsessed with, shall we say, lording it over material nature. I became the lord of my apartment, and triumph flooded me - this place is all mine, muahaha!
That triumph still floods me. I relish in buying more and more things, and I'm never satiated. Always looking for the next conquest to purchase.
But the needle in my heart is beginning to sting and even make me go numb. When I get so absorbed in lording over material nature, "one gives up the transcendental loving service of the Supreme Lord." I'm so attached to material things that I feel a numbness to even performing a simple act here or there of love - you know, offer a leaf.
A leaf, man, that's it.
But no, I'd rather go buy a dress. Or a chair. Or a mirror. For us. Well, for me.
From this first weakness of heart, the desire to lord it over material nature, comes the second weakness of heart, which "is that as one increases the propensity to lord it over material nature, he becomes attached to matter and the possession of matter." In this way, I become more attached and more absorbed in the possession of matter than the expression of service to the Lord. I want to enjoy myself, not have God enjoy. I am in the center, not God.
Prabhupad concludes, "The problems of material existence are due to these weaknesses of the heart."
As long as I cultivate this weakness of my heart to lord it over material nature, so will the numbness continue to grow until I can no longer even fold my palms in prayer.
Once again I am writing this post, unsure how to conclude because I honestly do not have a straight solution for you. It seems far too simplistic to simply say, "I shall stop lording over material nature," snap my fingers and *poof* all gone! There go my desires! Now I can engage in devotional service again!
As I write, I realize that the only thing I can do is be aware that I even have a weakness of heart. There are plenty of people on this planet who are plagued with shopaholicsm on either or tiny or gargantuan scale who have no idea that it's a weakness of heart. They're just going along, looking for the next high by buying the next thing, not even aware that they're numbing their hearts more and more and more, the weakness draining their vitality.
So at the very least, I am aware. I feel the sting. And in that sense, I am grateful for the sting. Maybe that's the first step of wisdom.
Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/15/20/
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