Monday, December 7, 2020

75: The Goal of Marriage

CHAPTER 18, TEXT 5: Acts of sacrifice, charity and penance are not to be given up; they must be performed. Indeed, sacrifice, charity and penance purify even the great souls.

Sacrifice is a loaded word. 

The image that comes to mind is of Abraham being willing to sacrifice Isaac, to kill his own son because God told him to. While this story is rich with spiritual significance, I must confess I find it hard to connect to this biblical story because of the extreme demands placed upon this sincere and trusting father. 

The definition of sacrifice is "to surrender or give up, or permit injury or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else" (dictionary.com) which is the story of Abraham and Isaac in a nutshell - Abraham was willing to surrender and permit injury to his son for the sake of following the orders of God. Abraham passed the test of surrender and was allowed to sacrifice a lamb in Isaac's stead. 

But the story haunts me. 

Do I have that level of faith in God's instructions?

Uh, no.  

Would I have faith in a God who demanded me to kill my son? 

I don't know. 

Which brings us back to the point that sacrifice is a loaded word - sacrifice seems to demand much from us, maybe even beyond our capabilities. 

Which begs the question, then: Why on earth would anyone sacrifice anything at all? 

Krishna says: To purify our hearts. 

Certainly Abraham was put in the fire of faith, and he was forced to throw all of his doubts into that fire, and those doubts burned to ashes. He was purified and cleansed. 

This verse from the Gita emphasizes that "sacrifice, charity, and penance" are essential to living a cultured, elevated life and should not be given up. These actions all emphasize one's willingness to surrender and give up one's time, money, energy, and being for the sake of something else. That "something else" in this case is to become pure. 

Sacrifice, penance, and even purity are all rather abstract. 

So Prabhupad gets concrete: marriage. He writes, "The marriage ceremony, for example, is considered to be one of these sacrifices. It is called vivāha-yajña." Marriage is a sacrifice - something that we surrender to, maybe even permit injury to ourselves or others (??) for the sake of something else. Maybe this is not us being willing to kill our own son for the sake of following God's orders, so what is that "something else" that we're surrendering to in marriage? 

Why on earth does the institution of marriage even exist? 

The most accurate available evidence suggests that the institution of marriage has been around for over 4,000 years (theweek.org). Marriage negotiations and ceremonies characterize ancient civilizations from all over the world. This shows that marriage is an integral aspect to human civilization, and we must conclude that it benefits human welfare. 

Why? Well, the most logical response is that marriage has always been more of a business deal than a romantic fairy tale, benefitting (quite frankly) men. Women were bartered like property and dowry prices were negotiated like sacks of wheat. From a historical perspective, it seems that women got the bad end of the stick and were abused and treated like animals for millennia in archaic marriage systems. 

But Krishna says here, 5,000 years ago, that "any sacrifice which is meant for human welfare should never be given up," and marriage is one of those sacrifices. Krishna is not only speaking on behalf of men who are doing all the bartering and arranging. Women are human beings also, and He is speaking on their behalf - marriage benefits women.

Marriage is a sacrifice, a surrender, a kind of austerity, or a "voluntary suffering" for both men AND women, and these kinds of activities generate power and cleanse the heart. Cleansing the human heart of lust, anger, and greed is meant for the true welfare and upliftment of society, not just economical advantages that can be gained and lost with a turning of the moon. True upliftment of society and human welfare means that the human mind and heart is cleansed and becomes peaceful. Prabhupad writes, "Vivāha-yajña, the marriage ceremony, is meant to regulate the human mind so that it may become peaceful for spiritual advancement." This is the goal of any sacrifice or austerity: spiritual advancement. 

In modern times, marriage has become obsessively centered around "love." I must confess, I always wanted to marry someone I "loved" and I wanted to ensure we loved each other for our whole lives. 

But the deeper significance to wanting to love and be loved within a marriage 'til death do we part is this even deeper desire and goal for divine, pure love - a loving, eternal relationship with God. This is a spiritual goal, something that cannot be experienced in a worldly relationship. But by being in a healthy marriage, we learn how to cleanse and purify our hearts, which makes us peaceful and open to spiritual advancement. That is the goal of marriage. 

Full purport here: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/18/5/

First recorded marriage: https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage#:~:text=The%20first%20recorded%20evidence%20of,Hebrews%2C%20Greeks%2C%20and%20Romans.

No comments:

Post a Comment